At times, I guess everything seems so at peace, I start to disbelieve it and eventually ruin it by running around in circles about what I'm supposed to do next. I imagine it's a normal thing, but it's why things happen, usually exaggerations if you will.
So far, there is no direction to really run to, sure there's events, and some very nearby (tomorrow) but even after they pass I wonder where some of my thoughts will end up. "Will you say the right thing?", "How soon is eventually?", "What's the point of anything?", "Wasn't It Like this before?", "Probably should have taken advantage back then"
It's nothing new, nothing ever is, but at times the direction less method is one that often will grow tiring. At times, I look back and glance at the things I merely took for granted and often sulk a bit on the things I never got to say, and maybe will get to proclaim in the future, but regardless, it feels as though it would have been best to say back then.
Time travel is often a subject that flows in and out, but the standard "everything is fine now" way of thinking is one that prevents this from manifesting an obsession, but regardless its difficult for one to not fall into a state of pure what-if thinking and then slowly regretting everything ever done.
It's funny though, at times (maybe it's just me) I miss the thrill in being miserable about certain things, the kinds of things that made it worth to wake up in the morning and not give a shit about anything around you, but eventually these things wither away and you're left with a new environment.
This gave a sort of sense of privilege, at best though, we must look ahead, make the most of what is at hand, and use the knowledge gained now for later endeavors with past or completely new subjects.
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